Legally Fairy Tail
by Kaitlynn Gold
Summary: When sorority queen Lucy Heartfilia's boyfriend dumps her before going to Harvard, she decides to get him back by becoming a law student, too! In all her legal endeavors, she may find that the right guy was right under her nose all along! Based on "Legally Blonde".
1. The Road to Harvard

**Katie: Well, guys, it's time for me to rewrite one of my favorite woman-empowerment movies:** _ **Legally Blonde**_ **! The girl who gets into Harvard Law School to get her ex-boyfriend back, only to turn him down when he proposes!**

 **Natsu: I'm so lost, here.**

 **Lucy: Who's playing whom?**

 **Erza: I would like to know that, myself.**

 **Katie: Weeeellllll… you might not like the casting.**

 **Gray: Lay it on us.**

 **Katie: Here's the cast list: Callahan will be played by Master Jose, Vivian will be played by Cana, Gray will be Kyle the UPS guy, Juvia will be Paulette, Loke will play Warner, Natsu will be Emmett, Ichiya will be Nikos Argitakos, Freed will be Carlos, Ultear will be Chutney, Levy, Wendy, Lisanna, and other Fairy Tail girls will be the Delta Nus, and Enid will be Evergreen.**

 **Lucy: But wait! You're missing someone. What about Elle?**

 **Erza: Yes. What about her?**

 **Katie: I was getting to that! *evil smirk and laugh***

 **Happy: Natsu, I'm scared!**

 **Katie: Elle Woods will be played by… *drumroll* …LUCY!**

 **Lucy: Me?! Are you serious!?**

 **Katie: Who's more "legally blonde" than you?**

 **Natsu: I'm so lost right now.**

 **Katie: *pats Natsu's shoulder* You always are.**

 **Erza: Let's get this story started!**

* * *

Levy rode her bike to the house. She had just picked up the card for the president of her sorority to congratulate her for her engagement. Well, Lucy wasn't engaged _quite_ yet, but they just knew Loke was going to propose that night. As the bluenette went inside, she handed the card to various girls in Delta Nu, who signed in excitement. She ran into Lisanna, who slid the card under Lucy's door after signing it herself.

"Oh, hey, Plue!" the Delta Nu president said to her precious puppy. "Whatcha got there?" He had picked up the card and gave it to her. "'Good luck tonight! Lucy and Loke forever!' Aww! Aren't they just the sweetest? Oh! I have some serious shopping to do before tonight."

The blonde, in a pink sundress, found Levy talking to Lisanna down in the courtyard.

"Oh, my God, you guys*," she said. "I love the card, but are you really sure he'll propose tonight?"

"Of course!" piped up Wendy. "Levy said he just had lunch with his grandmother so he could get the ring!"

"What's he going to do, Fed-Ex a 6-carat diamond?" Lisanna giggled.

"Come on, girls, we have shopping to do!" They laughed as they walked toward the boutique.

* * *

"I don't know why you're ignoring your signature color!" Levy chided her best friend.

"I don't want to look like this is any other date! If he proposes, I want to look… perfect." Lucy let out a gasp. "Bridal!"

"No-one easier to sell to than a dumb blonde daddy's girl," one of the clerks whispered to her coworker, ripping the "special sale" tag off a nearby dress. "Excuse me, have you seen this? We just got it in yesterday."

"Oh!" Lucy said, smiling. "Is that a half-loop stitch on China silk?"

"Uh-huh!"

"But the thing is, you can't use a half-loop stitch on China silk; it'll pucker. And you didn't just get this in because I saw it in last May's _Vogue_. I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price!"

"Show her who's boss!" Lisanna cheered.

"Go, Lucy!" Wendy chirped.

"UGH!" the clerk said, stomping off.

* * *

That night, Lucy and Loke headed to a nice restaurant for their date. He kept looking at his watch, like he had somewhere else to be.

"So, Luce, I was just thinking about the future," he told her. "And you know how we've been having so much fun the past few months?

"Yeah," she answered.

"Well, Harvard is different. I've got to stop messing around, you know, get serious. Especially if I'm going to be a senator by the time I'm thirty."

"I completely agree, and you know you have my support."

"That's why I think we need to—"

"I do."

"—Break up."

"What?!" she said in shock.

"I've been thinking about it, and I think it's the right thing to do." Lucy started crying. "Sweetheart, please don't cry."

"So when you said, you would always love me, no matter what, you were just messing around?!"

"It's not like I have much of a choice here! I've got a lot to live up to! My family has five generations of senators, my brother's in the top three at Yale Law, and he just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for God's sake!" Lucy continued crying, making everyone in the restaurant glare at him. "She's okay. Bad salad." She stood up and stomped out. "You get the car, I'll get the check."

Lucy let out a sniff as she began walking towards Delta Nu. Loke pulled the car up alongside her.

"Get in the car, and we'll talk about this."

"No."

"Luce, I need someone serious, and my parents, they're not going to want a daughter-in-law like you."

"So you're breaking up with me because you think your parents won't like me? But everybody likes me! I'm the Lambda Delta Pi sweetheart!"

"East Coast types are different than the ones out here. Get in the car."

"No."

"You're gonna ruin your shoes."

"Okay." She got in. As soon as he dropped her off, he left.

* * *

A week later, Wendy knocked on Lucy's door.

"Lucy, it's Wendy! I need some advice," she called.

"Sweetie, didn't you hear?" Levy asked. "Warner dumped her last week."

Lucy, on the other hand, was binge-eating chocolate and watching a movie.

 _"I love you,"_ the man on screen said.

"Liar!" Lucy sobbed, throwing the chocolate at the screen.

"Here," Lisanna said, handing her friend a shake. "Drink this." Lucy sipped it.

"Sweetie, it's been a week. What's the one thing that always makes us feel better?"

"Mani-Pedi's!" Lisanna squealed.

* * *

"It's terrible," Levy told her manicurist. "We all thought that she would be the first to walk down the aisle, but now she's totally adrift. She had six grilled cheese sandwiches. Just stuffed them in her mouth all at once. Her nails are totally chipped, and she hasn't conditioned her hair in like, a week."

"Maybe she's going for the grunge look," Lisanna put in.

"She'll never get him back with those cuticles." Lucy sighed, and began rifling through a magazine. She found a picture and gasped.

"Do you know who this is?" she asked the woman next to her. "It's Loke's older brother, Scorpio! He just got engaged to Aquarius Vanderbilt, First Year, Yale Law. This is the type of girl he wants! This is what I need to become to be serious!"

"What, practically deformed?!" the woman asked.

"No. A law student." Lucy got up and left.

* * *

"Law school?" her father asked as she swam in the pool.

"It's a perfectly respectable place, Daddy," she answered, holding on to the edge.

"But law school is a place for boring, ugly, serious people, and you, Button, are none of those things."

"Please?" The look she gave her father made him give in.

"Only if you make the right grades to get in, Button."

* * *

"Harvard law school?" the career counselor asked.

"Yes," Lucy replied.

"But that's a top three school, and you're a fashion major. Harvard's not going to be impressed that you aced 'History of Polka-dots'!"

"Please, I have to go there."

"All right. What are your backups?"

"I don't need backups; I'm going to Harvard."

"Okay, then, in that case, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors, one heck of a personal essay, and at least a 175 on your LSATs." She printed off a page and handed it to the blonde. "Good luck."

"I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Beta Lambda Kappa. This is going to be easy."

* * *

Lisanna peeked into Lucy's room and gasped, bringing Levy running.

"Oh my god, what are you doing?" Levy asked.

"Studying for the LSATs," Lucy answered.

"What's that?"

"It's an exam. Girls, I'm going to Harvard!"

"Wait, isn't that Loke's school?" Lisanna inquired.

"Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back."

"Sweetie, are you sure you can do this?" Levy pressed.

"I have the highest GPA in Delta Nu."

"Then, you're going to need this." Lisanna handed her a rose quartz bracelet.

"Your bracelet?"

"My _lucky_ bracelet. It helped me pass French."

"You passed _French_?" Levy yelped.

"Girls, help me study!" Lucy begged.

* * *

All through the spring, through dances and parties and mixers, Lucy studied. Her Delta Nu sisters were by her side, keeping her focused and determined. On the day of the LSATs, Lucy did her best. The day the results came, all the Delta Nus were gathered around as she opened the envelope.

"What does it say?" Wendy asked anxiously.

"179!" Lucy announced. They all began cheering.

* * *

" _And that's why you should choose me, Lucy Heartfilia, future lawyer for the class of 2018!_ " the video finished. The men stared at the girl on the screen.

"Well, she does have an impressive resume," one pointed out.

"A fashion major?" the head asked.

"Well, sir, we've never had one before. And aren't we always looking for diversity?"

"Lucy Heartfilia… Welcome to Harvard."

* * *

 **Katie: And there you have it, folks. The first chapter of a story I started writing last December but forgot about until this morning. Seriously, the part from the conversation with her dad to this author's note is about twelve hours from today. Sorry I've been busy with other work. I'll try to update this one more often.**

 **Natsu: When do I come in?**

 **Katie: Chapter 2. You know, her first few days at Harvard.**

 **Gray: Why am I the UPS guy?**

 **Katie: Reasons!**

 **Lucy: I like this.**

 **Katie: Me too! Read and review, and so long and thanks for all the fish!**


	2. The Trouble with an Ex

**Well, here's chapter 2…**

* * *

Lucy smiled as she looked at Harvard for the first time. The moving van with all her stuff in it pulled up behind her convertible.

"All right, Plue! Here we go!" she told her puppy, stepping out.

Every student in the vicinity stopped to stare at the new girl.

"Hey, look!" one chuckled to his friend. "It's Malibu Barbie."

"Don't be nervous!" Lucy said to Plue. "Everyone's going to love you!" She went up to the registrar. "Heartfilia comma Lucy?"

"Ah, here you go." The guy at the table handed her a packet. "Welcome to Harvard."

"Thank you!"

* * *

"Alright, I'm Rogue Cheney, and this is the part where we go around the circle and say a bit about ourselves," the third-year told Lucy and two other students.

"Howya doin'?" the girl began. "I'm Ever Green, graduate of Columbia, major in women's studies, emphasis in the history of combat, and last year, I single-handedly organized the march for Lesbians against Drunk Driving."

"I'm Sting Eucliffe," the next student introduced himself. "I'm a graduate of Clemson University, and for the last eighteen months, I've been deworming orphans in Somalia."

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia, and this is Plue Heartfilia. We're both Gemini vegetarians. I'm a graduate of UCLA, president of my sorority, Delta Nu, and last week, I saw Reese Witherspoon in Belk and talked her out of buying a truly hideous angora sweater. Whoever said 'orange is the new pink' is seriously disturbed!" Her fellow students stared at her in confusion.

* * *

The next morning, Lucy got ready to go to her first class. She put on a green suit, blue-and-white striped tie, and a pair of glasses.

"All right, Plue. It's my first day as a serious law student. I totally look the part." Plue obviously didn't think so, and covered his head with his paws. "Wish me luck."

As she walked down the hall, she suddenly saw Loke looking at a bulletin board. Hoping to get his attention, Lucy kept walking briskly, "accidentally" bumping his arm.

"Lucy?" he asked, staring at her in shock.

"Oh, Loke! I totally forgot you go here!"

"A-are you here to see me?"

"No, silly! I go here."

"You go where?"

"Harvard. Law school."

" _You_ got into _Harvard Law_?!"

"What, like it's hard? I'm off to class. See you later!"

* * *

Once in Ms. Porlyursica's class, Lucy pulled out her notebook before realizing all her classmates were using laptops. Her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.

"'The law is reason without passion'," Ms. Porlyursica began. "Who made this famous quote? Mr. Eucliffe?"

"A-Aristotle, I think?" he responded.

"You think? Would you be willing to stake your life on it?"

"Yes."

"What about—" she smacked the student in front of him on the top of the head "—his life?"

"I don't know…"

"Let that be a lesson to you all: always be certain in your answers. Oh, and by the way, you were right; it _was_ Aristotle. Now, turn to page 65 from your reading and summarize—" She broke off as she saw Lucy's raised hand. "Yes, Miss Heartfilia?"

"I wasn't _aware_ there was an assignment," Lucy told the teacher.

"Yes… Miss Alberona?" The brunette behind Lucy perked up. "It appears Miss Heartfilia isn't prepared. What should I do?"

"I'd send her out of class until she _is_ prepared," the girl sneered.

"Miss Heartfilia, please go. When you return, you'd best be prepared."

* * *

Lucy, offended, gathered her things and went out to the courtyard. She sat down on a bench and blew her bangs out of her eyes, mocking the girl who had gotten her thrown out.

"Excuse me, are you okay?" a guy on the next bench asked.

"Do they just put you on the spot like that all the time?" she replied.

"The professors? Yeah, they tend to do that. It's the Socratic method."

"And if you don't know the answers, they just kick you out?"

"Ah, you've got Porlyursica."

"Yes! Did she do that to you, too?"

"Nah, but she did make me cry once. Not in class, I waited till I was in my room, but… Yeah, she'll just kick you in the- or, you know, wherever. I'm Natsu Dragneel.

"Lucy Heartfilia."

"Who else do you have?"

"I've got Yajima, Makarov, and Porla."

"In Yajima's class, I'd get a seat in the back. He tends to spit a lot when he's talking about business law. In Makarov's, read the footnotes, because that's where he gets a lot of his exam questions from. As for Porla, just speak your mind. He likes people who are opinionated."

"Thanks. You know, I'm really glad I met you."

"Lucy!" Loke called from across the courtyard.

"Oh, gotta go!" She ran up to her ex, and smiled. "Hey, Loke. You will not _believe_ what happened in class. This horrible preppy girl—"

"Hey, Loke." The very same person who'd gotten her kicked out of class put her arm on Loke's shoulder.

"H-hey, Cana! This is Lucy, my ex."

"Oh, _that_ Lucy! You're _famous_ at our club."

"H-how do you two know each other?" Lucy stammered.

"I'm his fiancée." In horror, Lucy realized there was a diamond engagement ring on Cana's hand.

"I'm s-sorry, I just hallucinated. What?"

"Cana was my girlfriend in prep school, and, well, we got back together over the summer."

"Oh, well, I'm happy for you!"

* * *

Lucy drove angrily down the road, heavy metal blasting from her speakers. Suddenly, she spotted a nail salon. Making a quick U-turn, she parked in front and ran inside. A blue-haired woman sat at the nail station, reading a magazine and eating a doughnut.

"Can you do my nails?" Lucy panted, sitting across from her. The woman gave her a sympathetic look.

"Rough day?"

"Mm-hmm."

"You want to tell me about it? Come on, Juvia's listening." She began to prep Lucy's nails.

"I came here to Boston hoping to get my boyfriend, Loke, back. I worked so hard: I blew off Greek Week to study for the LSATs, and I hired a Copula to direct my admission video. Now he's engaged to this awful girl, Cana, and I just wish I'd never gone to Harvard!"

"I know how you feel. I'm with my guy six years, then one day, it's 'I met someone new. Move out.'"

"That's awful!"

"Tell me about it. He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures, and I'm a high school dropout with stretch marks and a fat ass. Bora kept the trailer and my precious baby, Rufus." She showed Lucy a picture of an adorable bulldog. "I didn't even get to throw him a birthday party." She put the picture back, then took a breath as she began to paint Lucy's nails. "So what does this Cana have that you don't? Three boobs?"

"She belongs to his stupid country club, and she's got his six carat diamond ring on her bony, unpolished finger!"

"So, what are you waiting for? Steal the bastard back!"

* * *

"In my class, there will be four of you that take the internship positions at my law firm," Jose began. "You will be competing in grades and prestige for these positions. Let the bloodbath begin." He turned to Lucy. "Miss Heartfilia, would you rather have a client who committed _malum in se_ or _malum prohibitum_?"

"I would like neither," Lucy replied.

"And why is that?"

"I'd want a client who's innocent!" The class laughed at her response.

"Dare to dream, Miss Heartfilia. What about you, Miss Alberona?"

" _Malum prohibitum_." She turned to glance at Lucy before continuing. " _Malum prohibitum_ means the client committed a regulatory infraction rather than a dangerous crime."

"Right. Now, if we take—" He realized Lucy had her hand raised. "Yes, Miss Heartfilia?"

"I changed my mind. I'd take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge." She glared at Cana as she finished.

* * *

When she got back to her dorm, Lucy needed to talk to someone. She picked up her phone and called Levy.

"Lucy?" Levy asked.

"Hey," Lucy responded.

"Lucy!" Lisanna yelled happily. "Guess where I am right now?"

"The salon?"

"No! Picking out my wedding dress! Bixlow proposed! Can you believe it?"

"Wow. That's great."

"I know. Keep June 4 open, because you're one of my bridesmaids! Oh, and give Loke our love!"

"Bye." Obviously, her Delta Nu sisters were too happy to talk to their former president. She heard Cana's voice out in the hall.

"116 Liberty. Bring your own Merlot!"

"No way!" Lucy called to the rapidly leaving brunette. Cana turned. "Is someone at this school actually having a party?"

"I don't think you'd be interested. It's a costume party."

"I love costume parties."

"Okay, I guess you can come. 116 Liberty."

"Thanks."

* * *

The second Lucy walked through the doors of the house, she knew Cana had punked her. Nobody else was in costume. She stood in the doorway in a Playboy bunny outfit, everyone staring at her. She went to find Cana, who did a spit take before laughing.

"Thanks for inviting me. This party is super fun!" Lucy said sarcastically.

"Nice outfit!"

"Oh, I like yours, too! Only when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated."

"She's awful," Cana whispered to her friend Laki.

"Relax, sweetie. You've got the ring."

"Hey, Loke!" Lucy called. "You having fun?"

"I am now. Why didn't you ever wear this while we were dating?" he asked, looking at her outfit.

"You never asked."

"Which is now the greatest regret of my life. I still can't believe you're here."

"I know! I mean, between classes, how am I supposed to do Porla's internship?"

"You don't honestly think you're going to qualify for one of those spots?"

"What makes you say that? We're in the same law school. We took the same exams. We're taking the same classes."

"You're just not serious enough." She turned and stomped out.

* * *

The first place she went was to the computer store. Natsu was behind her.

"Don't ask," she told him, catching him staring at her.

"Wasn't gonna." He pointed to the counter.

* * *

Lucy studied her hardest every day. She stopped going to parties and even stopped obsessing over getting Loke back. Her professors were shocked by her sudden change. Where was the bubbly blonde who'd frequently forgotten her assignments? Who was this serious student?

* * *

"You can do this, Juvia," Lucy told her friend as they pulled up to a trailer.

"Lucy, I'm scared."

"Listen, don't be. You can do this. Just walk up to him and say what you need to say."

"Okay." Juvia knocked on the door while Lucy hid behind a crate. A rather tall man with a tattoo under his eye answered the door.

"We're in the middle of lunch. What do you want?"

"I wanted to…"

"How many times are you going to come over, begging me to take you back, huh?"

"That's not why I came by."

"Then—"

"Bora Prominent?" Lucy asked. She'd put on a pair of glasses.

"Who wants to know?"

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia, Miss Loxar's attorney. Are you aware of what equal property distribution is?"

"No…"

"You and Miss Loxar had a common law marriage, meaning you lived together for a period of longer than five years. That entitles her to equal division of assets. Since you've retained this residence, it entitles her to full canine property ownership, which she will be enforcing right now."

"What?"

"Tell him, Juvia." He looked at his ex in confusion.

"It means I'm taking the dog, dumbass!"

As soon as they were back in the car, Juvia couldn't stop thanking Lucy.

"I'm never going to be apart from my little Rufus again!"

* * *

"In the case of Swinney V. Todd, Mr. Latimer wasn't stalking. He was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation. Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist," Loke told Porla.

"But Mr. Swinney was a one-time sperm donor, and in Mr. Latimer's case, he was also harassing the parents in his quest for visitation."

"Yes, however, the parents wouldn't even let Mr. Latimer _see_ the child. He just wanted to visit."

"Now you're thinking like a lawyer." Lucy raised her hand. "Miss Heartfilia?"

"Mr. Regulus makes an excellent point," Lucy began. "But did the defendant keep a log of every sperm donation made throughout his life."

"Interesting. Why do you ask?"

"Because, unless he contacted every one-night stand to find out if a child resulted from those unions, he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever."

"I see your point."

" _And_ , by Mr. Regulus's standards, every emission in which the sperm was clearly _not_ seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment."

"Miss Heartfilia, you just won your case."

* * *

At the end of class, Lucy was stopped by the professor.

"Stellar work, Miss Heartfilia. I believe you're applying for my internship. Do you have a resume?"

"Oh, right here!" She handed him a stack of pink paper. "Thanks in advance for considering me."

As she left, Natsu came up.

"She has potential," he pointed out. "Here's the Strauss file."

* * *

"What's going on?" Lucy asked Sting, seeing the crowd by the bulletin board.

"Porla's firm is doing a murder case. His caseload's so big; he's taking on _first year interns_!"

"He picked them already?"

"Loke, we got it!" Cana kissed him.

"I did, too," Ever sighed happily.

"Which leaves one space for…" Sting uttered. Lucy saw the list, then ran up to Loke and Cana.

"ME!" She smiled smugly. "Hey, Loke, remember those four amazing hours we spent in the hot tub after winter formal? This is so much better than that!"

" _Four hours_?" Cana inquired, an angry expression on her face. Loke gulped. Lucy was a better lawyer than he'd thought.

* * *

 **Katie: And there's chapter 2! In the movie, Elle meets Cameron Diaz, not Reese Witherspoon. I used Reese because that's who plays Elle in the movie! Next time, we'll be heading to Lucy's actual internship. This story will only have four chapters: "The Road to Harvard", "The Trouble with an Ex", "The Strauss Trial", and "Epilogue". Oops! Spoiler alert!**

 **Lucy: This is pretty good.**

 **Gray: When do I come in?**

 **Katie: Next chapter. Don't worry, your scene is important. Read, review, so long and thanks for all the fish!**


End file.
